Untethered Diary of a Queen
by AndrogyMous
Summary: Shoujoai innuendo: This is a journal of Neo Queen Serenity, in it reflects her feelings at the death of her senshi (Mars, Rei) especially, within the last arch of the series, along with other subject matter. (updated, page 2)
1. Page 1

The premise of this short fic is simple: this is the reflection of Queen Serenity's thoughts and feelings as Sailor Moon, when Sailor Mars had died in her arms in the last arch of the series.  
  
Untethered; A Diary of a Queen by Monikku   
  
My tears dripped, puddled, and dragged across your face like useless limbs. They were significant of my sorrow, of my unbearable feeling of helplessness. You lay there in my arms, dying. My senshi, my friends; you had always said your capacity was as my protectors, but wasn't it I who was to lead and protect you?  
  
I felt so small and childlike, wholly unable to conjure the strength necessary to go on. You, my precious Mars, my dearest friend, one whom I love so inexplicably, indefinably. You always felt a mirror of my soul, the opposite reflection of the exact same being.  
  
I had failed to protect you.  
  
If never before I had truly felt the existence of my heart, I did in that moment. My heart pounded intensely, and it clenched and ached with suffering.  
The well of my tears felt endless, and its endlessness was but a meager offering.  
  
One by one, my senshi left me, and when you dissipated into nothingness,  
Rei, I thought I might die of sheer sadness. Even now, as I write this a millenia later, my tears fall, distorting the words on these pages of my heart.  
  
I had weild my pain like a mighty kitana, and fought Galaxia with the collective good will of my senshi. It was with your strength I was able to succeed. If it had been solely up to me, I would have laid and died with you all, my most beloved.  
  
To see you after such a harrowing fight... could any of you forgive me?  
You, who gave your lives, I hadn't squandered your sacrifice, but could you forgive the sacrifice you were forced to make over my own mistakes?  
  
Meeting all of your eyes especially yours, Rei, for some reason, proved a greater feat than ever vanquishing Galaxia, but your smile and tenderness conveyed, spoke volumes. There was no forgiveness, none was needed.  
  
The bond, it has always seemed unspoken, but I write a tribute to you now.  
  
I love you. My precious friends, I love you dearly. All of you hold a piece to the puzzle of my being, and through the years, I have come to find,  
that yours, Rei, shines a fiery red.  
  
Fin.  
  
Eh, it's kind of muddled, I had to write it quickly. I'm late for work! EEP! 


	2. Page 2

A new page...  
  
Untethered; Diary of a Queen By Monikku  
  
Endymion insists what he loves best about me is my endless compassion,  
though he wished it didn't often pain me. My heart oft aches, now it does so for Saturn.  
  
I've wondered many times what it means to be Sailor Saturn. I've wondered what Hotaru felt as she integrated with Saturn, with a being wholly separate from herself. Myself and the rest of the senshi, we merely integrated with the rest of ourselves, we became whole, having been introduced with the memories our souls collected over time, over lives.  
  
She melted together with Saturn, to become a completely different and distinct individual. I suppose she stopped being Hotaru over a millennia ago,  
though still, I think of her as that quiet, sensitive girl. That young girl who softened Chibi-Usa so easily.  
  
The girl who fell in love with my daughter.  
  
Ever since Chibi-Usa went back to the future, I've felt the subtle difference in Hotaru. I've noticed how she distanced herself from everyone.  
Perhaps in preparation for Chibi-Usa's birth. For the knowledge that, by the time Chibi-Usa is made aware of Hotaru, and of Saturn, it will already be too late. It will be time for her to rise to queen, and for myself and my senshi to finally lay in rest.  
  
Many of my senshi seem tortured by futile loves. What a horrible thing for me to say, of course no love is futile. I only wish, for a moment, I could give those in agony, precisely what they desire.  
  
Perhaps, Chibi-Usa will find a way, even for a moment. I suspect, she felt similarly. My child will travel to the past, and come to love the person she now knows of as "Sweet, but sort of cold." The heart ache was written all over my face as she spoke those words, and she asked so concerned, if she had said something wrong.  
  
"No child, no. You only misunderstand Saturn, she is entirely sweet. You will come to know this."  
  
She is entirely sweet, whoever she may be.  
  
page 2 


End file.
